Batkid is not a hero.

Posted: November 19, 2013 in Uncategorized

Many people all over the internet are “ooh”-ing and “ahh”-ing over the latest “superhero” activity in San Fransisco, where alleged “Hero”, Batkid, “saved” a damsel in “distress”.

But seriously, people, how can you all be so BLIND?! This kid isn’t even a REAL SUPERHERO! He has NO formal training WHATSOEVER! I mean, LOOK AT THIS KID! I could punch through his armor in three seconds, with my LEFT HAND, and I’m not even left-handed.

I just don’t get it, I mean the thing was obviously staged. What sort of moronic evil genius just leaves his victims tied up in the middle of downtown San Fransisco, in the middle of an ENTIRE CROWD OF ONLOOKERS. This whole thing puts a bad taste in my mouth. This kid didn’t do anything to deserve being called a hero. He didn’t suffer the agonizing, brutal, years-long training sessions that I suffered. He didn’t spend THOUSANDS on research and development of the perfect suit of armor to protect him from the forces of evil.

HE’S NOT EVEN FIVE-FEET TALL.

It should’ve been me… I should’ve been the hero… this is stupid.

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One need not look any further than the front page of CNN to discover that America is not the only place in need of heroes to defend the innocent.

Enter The Statesman. This British citizen has taken it upon himself to defend the inhabitants of Birmingham in the UK. He claims to have foiled at least one drug dealer and prevented numerous robberies.

He’s also a former soldier. Sound familiar?

The Philippines need superheroes.

Posted: November 14, 2013 in Uncategorized

In a desperate plea for help, a diplomat from the Philippines has called us to action in the wake of the typhoon that devastated parts of the country. The need is urgent, and it is now.

Our response, as defenders of justice, should be much like Batman would respond to the Bat-signal: with the utmost haste to help those in need. We’ve been called, and it’s a call none of us should ignore.

If you’re unable to make it to the Philippines, due to duties already occurring in your hometown or a lack of proper superhero funding (which was addressed in a previous post), you can still help by donating to the Philippine Red Cross or the American Red Cross for typhoon relief efforts.

 

How to make money as a superhero.

Posted: November 12, 2013 in Uncategorized

Being a superhero doesn’t always mean you have billions of dollars like Batman or Iron Man, yet you’ll still need a good source of income to help you maintain all of the necessary tools for fighting crime.

Some superheroes should consider getting side jobs, where they can use the unique abilities that they have to earn a bit of extra cash. You could also look into advertising, or movie deals. Tony Stark signed a movie deal with Marvel Studios which has earned him TONS of money, and allowed him to continue living a life of luxury whilst fighting off threats to the nation.

Whichever method you choose to make some extra money, make sure it fits within the ideals of your superhero persona. Robbing banks is definitely not a good choice.

5 Real Superhero Technologies

Posted: November 12, 2013 in Uncategorized

For anyone doubting that being a superhero is actually possible in the modern world, doubt no more. An article was published by the Huffington Post detailing 5 real-life technologies that make the idea of becoming a superhero something everyone can believe in.

My personal favorite is the Eidos device, which I plan on acquiring sometime within the next fiscal superhero year.

What’s your favorite?

Nyx

Posted: November 7, 2013 in Uncategorized

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Getting her start in humble Kansas City at the age of 16, real-life superhero Nyx has since moved to New York City, where she dedicates her efforts to aiding the homeless as she patrols the streets at night.

She’s got a good mission, and a freakin’ sweet costume, representing an image and ideal that all of us could aspire to.

Superhero School

Posted: November 6, 2013 in Uncategorized

Some people aren’t as entrepreneurial as they’d like to be.

Some people need advice from professionals on how to get started on their career path, so they go to college to gain more experience in a specific field so that they have adequate experience when they finally take that leap into the unknown. But what about superheroes? What can they do?

They can go to superhero school.

That’s right, if you’ve got the money, my pal The Dark Guardian will be opening a brand-new superhero school in New York City. He plans to use his extensive martial arts and crime fighting experience to teach the people of New York everything they’ll need to keep this fight moving forward. I think it’s a great idea, and I’m hoping to get a position there in the advising department. You can be a part of this world first as well, by becoming a donator today.